Are You Intimidated When You Have to Negotiate?

By Sherri Malouf, CEO of Strategic Soft Skills Institute

Let’s face it – most people are intimidated by negotiating. They think that some people have these magical negotiating skills that separate them from the rest of humanity – us mere mortals.

Surely, you can read some very boring books about statistical probabilities of different negotiation tactics; or listen to people that claim it must be win-win or no deal (which is simply not practical in some industries or situations.)

So, how can you approach a negotiation without feeling anxious or intimidated?

Well, first, you really need to do your homework and plan. Get clarity about what you want and think through all your options. Most negotiation programs teach a staged process for negotiating, and that process guides your planning. Part of that planning needs to include what the other party wants and what really matters to them.

Second, read a few practical books on negotiating, such as Getting to Yes (Fischer and Ury) or the Managing Negotiation Reader from Strategic Soft Skills Institute (3SI) that complements our negotiation programs. Educate yourself and try to understand your own weaknesses. For example, do you hate conflict? Also, be prepared to encounter people who want to win at ALL costs – even at the cost of damaging the relationship with you! How do you handle nasty and manipulative tricks?

Third, get trained in Influencing Skills, because without Influencing Skills you cannot effectively manage the process of negotiation. Influence behaviors like Common Ground and Listening (from the Positive Power and Influence® Program) are used a great deal by successful negotiators.

Furthermore, the hardest thing for most people is managing their own reactions. Emotional intelligence and highly effective negotiations go hand-in-hand. When I teach people to negotiate, we talk about the emotional reactions at the various stages of the negotiation process. For example, at the beginning of a negotiation, we may be optimistic or pessimistic about our chances of success. But it is best to be neutral as we can then make rational and gut-based choices versus being driven by emotion. It is also important to figure out where the other party is coming from.

One of the biggest emotional reactions to manage is when you finally realize how big a gap there is between you and the other party. These emotions can range from anger to ecstasy. If you find that your emotions are strong, the best thing to do is to use the Influence Tactic of Disengaging and suggest a break so that you can think things through.

And finally, I have one more piece of advice: Trust your gut! It is a valuable tool. Your gut may not accurately tell you if the other people are trustworthy or not, but it will tell you if the direction you are heading in is aligned with what you genuinely want. So, pay attention to your gut!

There you have it, a few tips on negotiating. If you are intimidated by having to negotiate – these tips will help shift that mindset and enable you to enjoy the process of negotiating.

Personally, I positively enjoy it!